I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
