I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Too much gin, very little bucket
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
