We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
did you just send me my own nude
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
