Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
