Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
