Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
