are you still at the devil's house?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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