We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
