Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
