everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
