May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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