sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
