I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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