Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
