We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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