he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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