her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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