Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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