There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
