He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
