Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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