I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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