went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
