also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
