my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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