also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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