even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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