Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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