can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
