hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The Olympian is in my bed
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
