Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
