i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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