The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
