This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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