just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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