Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
