You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
