I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
