the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
