so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
