I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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