escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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