Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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