this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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