Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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