Are we in a gay sports bar?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Who died my cat blue again?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
