Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just blew my weed a kiss
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
