When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
