Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
