oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
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