the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
handjob tips. give me some.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
