the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
