i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize