I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize