Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
