I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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