Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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