everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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