soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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