I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
