Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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