He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
